Haydee [00:00:30]:
HELLO! How are you doing? I hope that these 1st few days of January are going PHENOMENALLY and that your word of the year that we spoke about in the last episode has been supporting you in the BEST of ways. Welcome to this week’s episode of Voluptuous Questions! My name is Haydee. And guess what? I’m ready to interview YOU! My question for this week is, what’s something that you’ve struggled with in the past that you no longer struggle with? Sometimes our struggles SEEM like something we won’t be able to conquer. But if you take a good look at your past, you’ll SEE that there are things that were an issue for you that no longer are, and that’s MARVELOUS! So let’s honor one of the issues we overcame by talking about it. I realize that thinking about what one of those issues was can be hard for some people, scary or shameful for others, or simply a little bittersweet.

Haydee [00:01:43]:
And out of ALL of these words, the least favorable one to feel is shame. And whenever I think of shame, I think about the expert of shame, Brené Brown, who’s one of my ABSOLUTE favorite authors and speakers because she’s able to remove the hard layers surrounding your heart and encourage you from a VERY wise stance to be vulnerable. But before we become vulnerable with one another, despite the shame we may feel, I want to share with you a WONDERFUL definition that Oprah once gave about what vulnerability is to her when Brené Brown was interviewing her and asked her for that definition. Oprah said that vulnerability is, ” Being willing to express the truth no matter what. The truth of who you are. The essence at your core of what you’re feeling at ANY moment. It’s being able to open up your soul and let it flow so that other people can see their soul in yours.” Did you notice what I noticed in the definition above? Oprah’s definition includes the word FLOW.

Haydee [00:03:03]:
Ding ding ding ding. That’s MY word of the year. Flow, f l o w. I’ve been hearing more about flowing after recording last week’s episode regarding the word of the year. As a matter of fact, the last TikTok that I just watched before starting to record this episode included the word flow. So It’s like it’s following me or something. It’s cute. It’s inspiring.

Haydee [00:03:31]:
It’s exciting. It’s actually good news because it continues to teach me. I guess I’m running into this word because I’m focused on it and because tidbits like these are life’s way of helping me apply MORE flow into my life and in various ways that I hadn’t even thought of. So NOW I know that I can do more than just allow things to flow in and out of my soul like I told you in the last episode. I can let my soul itself flow in the benefit of others. Isn’t that deep? If that’s not deep, I don’t know what is. Jeez. 😂 That’s incredible!

Haydee [00:04:15]:
Don’t you think? I confess that for me, overcoming the thing I’ve overcome from my past is mostly bittersweet, but I’m SO proud of myself. Speaking of recognizing one’s progress, the thing I used to struggle with in the past that I no longer do is celebrating myself. I can divide my issues with celebration in 2 areas. 1 is when it comes to my successes and achievements in life, and the other is when it comes to birthdays. I’ll start off with birthdays because it’s the most embarrassing and shameful for me out of the 2. And honestly, I want to get over the discomfort that’s creeping in as I think back. So I want to get it out of the way by hopefully processing these not-so-pleasant emotions In a vulnerable way with you so that they hopefully help you in some big or tiny way. You know how nowadays children and teens have birthday celebration after birthday celebration every year like it’s nothing? So easily, so automatically? It’s just a given.

Haydee [00:05:30]:
They don’t have to do anything to earn it. It’s just given to them. When I was growing up, having birthday celebrations at home wasn’t as easy. And no, it wasn’t because we were lacking money. We did have the money. It seemed like it was a burden for others to celebrate me. Nobody ever told me this, but I felt it. And out of my siblings, I had the most blah celebrations, in my opinion.

Haydee [00:05:57]:
My mom always made me cakes because she’s wonderful at doing that. She’s also a wonderful cook. She made me DELICIOUS meals. And she’s a gift giver, so she gave me nice gifts. But the social aspect that comes with birthday celebrations wasn’t as wonderful as I wish it would have been. But then again, I guess that what I experienced around birthday celebrations kept me really humble. The 1st birthday I actually remember is when I turned 1 year old. I learned to walk that day, so it was memorable.

Haydee [00:06:35]:
I am the firstborn, so I was surrounded by my aunts, uncles, parents, cousins and grandmother, and I felt ALL the love and attention on me. There’s a part of me that felt that that love, attention, and focus that I experienced that year was SUPPOSED to always be part of my birthdays, with the addition of the love from friends I would meet along the way. The next memory from a birthday I have is when I had a major birthday party at home when I turned 6. It was a Strawberry Shortcake one, and my dress was BEAUTIFUL. I still felt the love, but not as much, if I’m being honest. You won’t believe what I’m about to say. 😂 When I was in 5th grade, I had to PATHETICALLY ask my mom to PLEASE send me a balloon arrangement to school so that I could receive it in my class in front of everybody else. Why did I do this? Because many other girls in my class had mothers who went all out with their birthday arrangement.

Haydee [00:07:51]:
I still remember my arrangement vividly because it’s the only one I ever got from my parents. Yep. 😂 I never asked again, so I guess I learned my lesson. 😂 It had a pink mug filled with Hershey’s Kisses wrapped in pastel colors, a white Care Bear helium balloon with other regular pastel balloons around it. So when I turned 10 that year, I was literally asking to be acknowledged and stating HOW I wanted to be acknowledged. Did I feel the love of others by that point in my life? Not so much. But I am thankful for the arrangement. I don’t even remember what cake, dinner, or get together I received that year if I received any at all.

Haydee [00:08:43]:
The next birthday I remember was when I invited my friends from middle school over to my house. It’s memorable because I was almost surprised that they gave me lovely gifts. I still have 2 jewelry containers I was given on that day, one is a crystal one and the other one is a porcelain one. Then I had a nice party when I went from being a girl to a lady, but it was at home, just so you know. Oh, and I can’t forget the time when I spent my birthday in Disneyland when I was a young adult. One of the most special birthdays I’ve ever had was when my best friend from college made the WHOLE day special by putting up balloons, streamers, and a happy birthday sign on my dorm room door before I woke up, letting me know right away that he was thinking about me. Then in the afternoon after class, he took me out of town to the most luxurious and fanciest city in my state. And he took me to a fancy dinner at one of my favorite restaurants where he had made reservations at to celebrate my birthday.

Haydee [00:10:03]:
Then to the fanciest mall I’ve ever been to where he bought me Godiva chocolates, Then to a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop, that’s when I tried those doughnuts for the very first time in my life. And to top it off, he gifted me a birthday card and a framed art print of The Little Mermaid, which is one of my top 2 favorite Disney movies. I still have that art piece in my home office. Before he gifted me that art piece, the frame had broken, but he had it replaced in time for my birthday. At the end of the night, he took me back to my dorm. The whole day, I felt special and loved. I had some other mini celebrations for the rest of my birthdays, but they are obviously not that memorable. So needless to say, and despite some of these birthdays which were special, I guess I grew up thinking that I didn’t deserve to be celebrated THAT much.

Haydee [00:11:03]:
And I’ll be honest, it’s been a deep wound more as an adult than it EVER was as a child, teen, or young adult. I guess it’s because as an adult, you interact with less people, and the people you DO interact with kind of expect that someone else has already planned something special for you. I’m embarrassed to say that my worst birthday disappointment to date happened last year in 2023. My best friend sent me LOVELY gifts and asked me to open them while we were on the phone together a couple of days before my birthday. But when my actual birthday came, they didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I was CRUSHED! There were other things going on at that time that led to me feeling that way too. I was going through some things and nd my best friend was also going through some things on my exact birthday that led them to NOT wish me a happy birthday the day of my birthday.

Haydee [00:12:13]:
They did remember my birthday on my birthday, but they didn’t contact me because they were moving states. To top it off, on my actual birthday, a close family member forgot my birthday. So, YEAH. It was really hard. I was emotional that day. When my sister called me that afternoon to wish me a happy birthday, I cried. It’s laughable now because it’s so pathetic. But at the time, it was VERY painful.

Haydee [00:12:46]:
I usually don’t cry with others unless I can’t hold it in. And that day, I was REALLY trying to hold it in and to pretend that everything was fine. But it wasn’t fine. And I cried on the phone with her. Having that conversation with her helped me see that she too struggles with her birthdays. And she told me about a celebrity that we both know who also admitted that she struggles on her birthday. You know what’s weird though? When I called my sister several months later to wish her, a happy birthday, she thanked me for being so vulnerable on my birthday because thanks to our conversation, she was VERY happy on her birthday because she learned to focus on the people around her that wanted to make her birthday special and truly appreciate what they did for her. What I took away from that conversation with my sister Is that ladies, especially who give a lot, kind of EXPECT that at least ONE day a year, we will be pampered and cared for the way we care for and pamper others.

Haydee [00:13:54]:
And when it doesn’t happen according to how we imagined, things go downhill REALLY fast. But don’t worry., my birthday last year got better because my sister had already planned to throw a celebration for me the day AFTER my birthday, and it was ABSOLUTELY amazing. It’s a celebration that IS memorable. Once again, I felt the love of my innermost circle, which includes the majority of the most important people in my life. So even though it’s not attractive to be sharing this with you, I’m opening myself up to let you know that if you struggle with birthdays, you’re definitely not alone, but that most importantly, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be celebrated because you OBVIOUSLY should. I have no issue in letting you know that if I don’t bake my own birthday cake, which I’ve done in previous years, I have no problem buying myself one.

Haydee [00:15:03]:
My favorite place to order it from is from Porto’s Bakery. It’s a Cuban bakery in California. I’ll link them in the show notes, and the best thing is that they deliver to all the continental states in the US. So be sure to order your delicious cake in advance because shipping can take some time. My birthday celebration situation has taught me 3 things. Number 1, and it IS the most important, Is that I LOVE feeling special and being seen. If I’m not, it affects me, ESPECIALLY on my birthday. But number 2 is I can make myself feel special by giving me the things that I want and need.

Haydee [00:15:55]:
Number 3 is that I am SO special that even if someone DOESN’T remember my birthday, it’s okay. I’m alive, and I could celebrate it my way. Despite everything that I’ve just said, there have ALWAYS been people around me who DO remember my birthday, who DO buy me gifts, who DO send me cards, who DO call, who DO text, who DO give me birthday hugs and kisses, but sometimes, we pick certain people in our life to step it up, to really show us that they care, and all we need is that they simply say happy birthday on THAT day. And even though it’s SUPER easy for them to do it, when they don’t, our WHOLE sense of worth should NOT come crumbling down just because of it. What I’m going to do this year is to plan some special things around and on my birthday so that regardless of what happens, I have a solid structure or plan of self-love that I’ve set in place. I suggest you do the same. EVERYTHING and ANYTHING else that other people give me will be EXTRA, but I’m NOT going to make the mistake of depending on it.

Haydee [00:17:18]:
Our expectation is PRECISELY what causes the pain, And I wanna have as little expectation as possible, if at all. So moving on to the other aspect of celebrating that I’ve conquered relates to when I achieve my own goals. I’m a goal-getter and a high achiever, So there have been many things that I’ve accomplished that I’ve NEVER taken the time to celebrate. I used to achieve one thing and then move right on to the next project without EVER acknowledging the work, dedication, sacrifice, and joy that came with completing something. That ALL quickly changed when I had a couple of events that led me to believe that I was not going to live for another day. After going through that, I’ve NEVER taken another sunrise or another accomplishment for granted. I celebrate myself. Period.

Haydee [00:18:19]:
So many of us confuse celebrating something by having LOTS of people around us to cheer us on, that is NOT what celebrating is, whether it’s in a birthday setting or after achieving a goal. Let’s all acknowledge that celebrating is something that YOU do for YOURSELF to commemorate YOUR achievement, YOUR milestone, YOUR feet at the top of the mountain that you set to climb. Other people can join in, sure, but they’re not necessary. A celebration is what YOU do to pat YOURSELF on YOUR back. I hope you realize that the underlying attitude that you REALLY need in order to celebrate is FEELING that you DESERVE things. And my spiritual teacher says that feeling that you’re deserving of things is fundamental to the blessings, miracles, opportunities and wonderful things that happened to you in life. If everybody’s patting you on the back, but you feel worthless, you’ll just basically feel like a drum– being tapped on, but hollow inside. You have to be, as Oprah would say, FULL of yourself, in the best of ways, due to all the support you give yourself and the people you surround yourself with. If someone tells you that you’re full of yourself, take it as she does.

Haydee [00:19:49]:
Take it as a compliment. Think about it. If you’ve struggled with a celebration, it’s PROBABLY because you give a lot to others and you leave yourself for last. But if you’re able to give TO others and have already realized that you ALSO need to give to yourself and you actually DO it, Then you’re a pretty awesome person because you’re giving to others without forgetting about yourself and your own needs. I’ve always said, if you’re not full of YOURSELF, then who WOULD you be full of? You have to embody you, Your soul, your body, your aura, that space is for YOU. Of course, you can have divine inspiration, divine guidance, love, faith, hope, and many other positive things, but all of that combined should be the essence of who you are. Two reasons why I asked this question when I did and wanted to open up and really talk about this and actually gave you the examples that I gave you is because number 1, hopefully, most of us will experience a birthday this year, if you haven’t already. And we have to be thankful that we will because not everybody will.

Haydee [00:21:10]:
And whether you’ve been very lucky on your birthdays in the past or not so much, you can still plan to make THIS upcoming birthday better than EVER. It’s not TOO early to start planning or at least daydreaming about something MAGNIFICENT for yourself. Number 2. You will FOR SURE achieve things you are proud of this year, and in a world where procrastination, lack of focus and distractions are so popular. More than EVER, achieving anything should be celebrated. Your celebration can be as BIG or as little as you want, but give yourself some hours to HONOR yourself. We were born to be happy, not to lose sleep over things, not to sacrifice our joy, not to work, work, work and never play.

Haydee [00:22:05]:
Remember, stopping, resting, and being creative ACTUALLY IMPROVES productivity. So if you have trouble celebrating, don’t. It’s actually GOOD for you to celebrate. And please understand that ANYBODY regardless of whether you say you lead a simple life or not, CAN celebrate. You can celebrate simply or go ALL out. It’s not HOW you celebrate that matters. It’s that you actually take the TIME TO celebrate. You deserve to honor yourself that way.

Haydee [00:22:43]:
I was under the impression that today’s episode would be short, But it’s not short. Even though I wish I could continue encouraging you to celebrate, but I think you got the point. Right? 😂 And even though this topic was a bit DEEP and vulnerable, I feel thankful that I’ve said what I’ve said because I have faith that someone out there NEEDED to hear it. Ironically, I’m just realizing that I actually let my soul flow. And maybe, just maybe, as Oprah said, you are able to see your soul reflected in my soul. Before I go, I want to give you a hug. Whether it’s because it’s your birthday, you struggle with birthdays or accomplish something you’re proud of today, I’m sending you a BIG squishy hug. I can’t WAIT to continue to support you throughout the year and for the next episode where we share together.

Haydee [00:23:42]:
I’ll be linking resources for you including some of Oprah’s teachings on the show notes that you can find by visiting www.voluptuousquestions.com/podcasts . And guess what? On my Voluptuous Questions website, I’m deciding to open up the comments, so if you wanna share your answers to these questions there instead of on @VoluptuousQuestions on TikTok or my contact page at www.voluptuousquestions.com/contact you can do that there. Deal? Now more than ever, you celebration-worthy human being, not human doing, remember, YOU’RE the star of this podcast and the star of your life. Keep shining brightly ALWAYS.