Haydee [00:00:30]:

Well, hello there! Welcome to another episode of Voluptuous Questions. My name is Haydee and I’m SO happy that you’re here because today, we’re going to get a little more serious and dive deeper into what we call life. Have you ever heard of life being referred to as Earth School? As a mentee of Oprah Winfrey, I first heard her talk about this concept when she introduced me to a wonderful book called The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. One day, I was even fortunate enough to meet Gary. Oprah once said, “I consider the world, this earth, to be like a school, and our life, the classrooms.” But even if you’ve never heard of Oprah, which I don’t truly understand how, but anyway, or followed Oprah’s work, it totally makes sense that life INSISTS on teaching us lessons. And we can either pay REALLY good attention to what life is teaching us and learn fast or NOT pay attention and repeat the SAME painful, draining or time-consuming lesson over and over and over again.

Haydee [00:01:46]:

Many years ago, Oprah taught me that life whispers to you and sends you signs via EVERYTHING that is around you. If you don’t hear the whisper, it gets louder. But if you STILL don’t hear it, something light hits you on the head, like a pebble. But if you don’t listen, that becomes an ACTUAL problem in your life. When you DON’T pay attention to the problem, It becomes a brick, which is a crisis. And if you don’t pay attention to your crisis, it becomes a disaster and a whole brick wall comes tumbling down. I’ll add the YouTube video in which she explains this in the show notes. This is one of Oprah’s many teachings that has been with me since the moment I heard it.

Haydee [00:02:32]:

But even I haven’t followed it perfectly and have sometimes been unable to listen to life when it whispers. So in order to avoid more than a pebble hitting my head and because I WANT TO lead a better life, I try REALLY hard to listen and pay attention to my life. I try to pass the lessons and trials that life sends me as efficiently as I can so that I DON’T have to repeat them. So my deep question for you today is: What are the top 10 things you’ve learned this year? Please don’t be intimidated by the number 10. You might not think that you’ve learned that much and that you’re still a work in progress, but please don’t worry. We ALL are works in progress. I am a work in progress for sure, and that’s why I love learning and working on myself. And once you start writing your list, I think you’ll be amazed by how many things you’ve learned or believe in now more than ever.

Haydee [00:03:35]:

So write your list. If you haven’t done so, Go to www.voluptuousquestions.com and sign up to the newsletter so that you can receive your free Voluptuous Questions journal PDF. Once you write your top 10 lessons, challenge yourself even MORE by writing them in order from least important, that being number 10, to the most important, that being number 1. This will help you see if there’s a theme that you have to continue to work on or which maybe you’ve mastered. I KNOW this is a vulnerable exercise, but I think it’s a very helpful exercise to do for yourself and to share with others because it’ll help you see that you’re not the only one who’s working on specific areas of your life. It’ll feel less lonely. So what are the top 10 things I’ve learned this year? This year has been a very educational year for me. I have learned the most about life and about myself this year more than ANY other year in my life.

Haydee [00:04:40]:

I have also learned some lessons from observing others. How did I accomplish learning so much this year? By watching the least amount of TV out of any year and by doing very deep personal development, I was also very in tune with my feelings even if it was uncomfortable sometimes. So here’s my list of the 10 lessons I’ve learned so far and a little bit of context for each. Starting off at number 10, is rest. That’s the tip. This year, I gave myself permission to rest, not as much as I needed to or wanted to, but it’s a HUGE progress for me. I even took naps whenever I felt tired at like 3 PM. I also sometimes went to bed earlier.

Haydee [00:05:29]:

Sometimes rest does mean FINALLY watching the reality show you like to watch, watching the movie you’ve been waiting to see and scheduling in watching a TikTok live you enjoy. Other times, it’s resting from other people’s energy, recharging alone, working in silence. Rest is vital. If you don’t rest, you’ll burn out, trust me. I know. Number 9, saving money IS a lifesaver.

Haydee [00:06:01]:

Everybody always says to save for a rainy day. I say save enough for a rainy week, a rainy month, a rainy half a year, or a rainy year. It’ll be a lifesaver. Number 8, life is not happening To you, it’s happening FOR you. People who tend to take things personally should REALLY take this to heart because it’s EASY to feel like you’re the victim sometimes. It’s easy to feel that the reason you’re not where you want to be in life is because it’s either life’s fault or somebody else’s fault. But life is like the game Chutes and Ladders.

Haydee [00:06:45]:

Sometimes you go higher because you’re meant to be in that upper echelon. But sometimes life makes you go back several spaces or slide back to your past because it’s protecting you from something or wanting you to learn something even better. Being ahead isn’t always the protected or the blessed place to be. We’re all like on an invisible game board, and we need to trust that the events occurring around us and the emotional turmoils that we encounter are for our highest good. Like for example, to teach us something, to realize something. We must have faith that this is true, especially when we are trying our best. Number 7, devote your time, energy, attention and resources only to those who deserve it. I’m getting a little emotional as I’m thinking about what this lesson means to me. I know how hard it is for women, especially very empathetic women, to limit their love and direct it to where it needs to go.

Haydee [00:07:49]:

Being kind is a wonderful phenomenon. Another mentor of mine, Dr. Wayne Dyer, whom I also had the pleasure of meeting and getting an autograph from, once spoke about how doing a kind deed For someone has a special ripple effect. It improves the mood and serotonin levels for the person who receives the kind deed, For the person who did the kind deed and amazingly for the people or person who witnessed the kind deed. So needless to say, doing a kind deed feels good to the giver. That’s why it’s sometimes very hard to stop. And instead, we excuse or justify the lack of appreciation from others in order to continue giving. But that kind deed, time, energy, attention, and reassurance would be better put to use for people that you’re 100% sure would appreciate YOU and not just the kind deeds you do FOR them. And I can’t think of someone who deserves this kind of love more than you.

Haydee [00:08:57]:

Ask yourself, what kind deed are YOU yearning for but are not giving yourself? If someone could read your mind, what kind deed would you love to receive because someone finally understood what you wanted or needed? Is it going to a spa, getting a massage, getting your nails done, getting your hair done, buying yourself something, resting or even sleeping? Give yourself that kind deed as SOON as possible. And whenever that desire help someone who DOESN’T truly deserve it comes up, ask yourself the same question again and invest in yourself. YOU TOTALLY deserve it. Number 6, people who are happier are more successful and more magnetic than people who aren’t. This year, I’ve been VERY happy. It hasn’t been a perfect year because there’s no such thing as a perfect year, but I TRULY feel connected and aligned to who I am, to life, and to Source. Pursuing my happiness is a large part of my definition of success, and this year, I did that.

Haydee [00:10:09]:

I’ve also noticed that this principle also applies to people in general. Your passion projects are YOUR passion, NOT other people’s passion. You can’t expect for people to care more about your passion than you care about it. You can’t stop or start a passion based on how many likes you get, the number of people who watch, the number of followers you have, the number of people who show up for you or the number of compliments you get. Passions are a gift YOU give to yourself first. And after that, they CAN be a gift to other people, but NOBODY is obliged to take that gift from you. Nobody should be forced to always be available to praise you for your projects. If your expectation is to be popular, be rich, be liked, be put on a pedestal in general, and especially when you’re showing a bad attitude toward your audience, you’ve already lost.

Haydee [00:11:11]:

On the flip side, if you post on social media because you truly LOVE the creative process, love discovering yourself through your passion projects and like to post and interact with your audience, people will FEEL the good intention that propelled you to post, and the things you wish for will come without you having to ask for them. You’ll be magnetic. And even if nothing comes for some reason, you’ll be SO enamored by YOUR creative process that you engage in the creative process anyway because it truly feeds your soul and allows you to connect to a part of you that you wouldn’t connect to otherwise. Many people have said in the past something along the lines of, “If what I’m doing helps 1 person, I’ll be happy.” But where has that wise perspective gone? Don’t let your desire to go viral or have thousands of followers make you lose appreciation for people who make time out of their busy day and complicated life to support what you do. It’s TRULY a gift that they’re giving you. Make sure you’re worthy of that 1 person’s presence and love and whatever else they CHOOSE to give you, but they don’t owe you anything at all. At all. Number 5, know when you reached your limit and set boundaries.

Haydee [00:12:36]:

Sometimes we are scared to rock the boat. We hold on to truths that would lighten the load we’re carrying if we reveal them, so we remain quiet. And the truth sits at the tip of our tongue, ready to come out, but never actually coming out because essentially, you’re putting the needs of others first. Yet in one way or another, somehow, there comes a day when you decide to state the truth or you’re forced to. And it’s SO liberating. And from that moment on, you realize that you need to speak up more, set more boundaries and admit to yourself and others what it is that you want and what it is that you need. It’s so beneficial for people around you for you to speak your truth. At first, they may be taken aback because they’re not used to you being so obvious about the boundaries you’re setting.

Haydee [00:13:33]:

But you have to retrain those people and retrain yourself about the importance and value that you have. You are NOT a secondary character in everybody else’s life. You are the MAIN character of your OWN life, And you cannot waste your entire life by forgetting this. So use timers. Use your to-do list. Use your calendar, and really have your dreams front and center, and make sure that your calendar, timers, and to do list reflect what you want to achieve, not what everybody else wants you to do for them. If you’re listening to this podcast, the probability is REALLY high that you’re a giver. You don’t have to prove your kindness anymore.

Haydee [00:14:16]:

You’ve already done that for your whole life. I know you’ll continue to give, but don’t forget to give to yourself first. Number 4, some people come into your life to love you, and others to teach you how to love yourself more. You’ve heard that people come into your life for a reason, and basically, it’s for one of the 2 reasons above. At first, all people might SEEM to be loving, but once you see that the love you give them isn’t reciprocal or that their love is dwindling while yours remains strong, there comes a point when you HAVE to put the attention back on yourself and realize that YOUR love would be better used if you gave it to yourself. This applies to ALL of your relationships, whether they’re for acquaintances, colleagues, bosses, mentors, neighbors, friends, and romantic partners. So regardless of whether any of your relationships soar to new heights, hit a plateau, or go downhill, extract the lesson of each relationship and have compassion and love for yourself regardless of the outcome.

Haydee [00:15:25]:

And if ANY of those relationships ever made you cry, use those tears as a way to transform that which is too exposed and susceptible to outer hurt. Strengthen those parts of yourself for your own benefit and so that you evolve into someone who’s more loving toward themselves first. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Number 3, all emotions are simply messengers of something that you’re thinking or feeling. You should feel the feeling until it is completely released in a safe and loving way. Many of us have a tendency to only allow ourselves to feel the positive feelings and avoid the negative feelings at all costs. We think that if we allow ourselves to feel sadness, worry, hurt, rejection, or any other so-called negative emotion, that that will make us feel worse or that we will be a bad person just because we’re feeling those emotions. But every emotion is a messenger that is trying to tell us something that’s true and even something that is good, even if we consider those emotions to be negative emotions, they remind us of the things that we cherish or the values that we have.

Haydee [00:16:44]:

They remind us of our needs, of our wants, of our desires. We should try to see what our emotions are telling us. And once we KNOW that message, we should let ourselves feel those emotions so that they TRULY dissolve and don’t stay stagnant in our body and later result in a disease. This happens when our mind, heart, and body are not at ease. Number 2, music heals. I’ve always known that music is healing, but I’ve learned 2 things this year in particular. Upbeat music that you can dance to is very helpful for those days when you are feeling sad, when you’re feeling like you’re getting sad and even when you feel like your heart is breaking. Music has been like a helping hand that has pulled me out of my sadness and made me feel good again. And guess what? It’s SO beneficial that I try to listen to my list of danceable songs and upbeat music more than ANY other playlist on my Spotify account, even when I’m feeling okay because upbeat music helps keep my vibration high.

Haydee [00:17:56]:

I know that I often suggest on this Voluptuous Questions podcast to have playlists for different reasons or different occasions. But now that I’m thinking about this, if you only create 1 playlist because of my recommendations, PLEASE make it a playlist that uplifts your mood and makes you feel happier and hopefully encourages you to dance. Music, as you know, is very powerful. So whenever possible, make sure that the music you’re listening to is positive. Number 1, you can achieve your dreams. It’s not the speed at which you achieve your dreams that matters. It’s about listening to your intuition, starting a project and keeping a promise to your soul to FINISH a project that you were INSPIRED to do.

Haydee [00:18:42]:

Think about it. Out of the many thoughts that come into your head every day, one day, life chose YOU to create a given project. And you can either listen to that calling to give birth to that project or ignore it. But don’t be surprised that if, for instance, you get the inspiration to write a movie script, that one day, you’ll SEE that someone else wrote the movie that you thought you were gonna write, but you took too long to do it. Life won’t wait around forever. It’ll be a little patient with you, but you HAVE to be willing to bring that project into life. For example, this Voluptuous Questions podcast has been on my heart for more time than you can even imagine. Life LITERALLY got in the way for me to launch it sooner.

Haydee [00:19:27]:

And, no, I’m not making up excuses. It truly did happen. But the minute I had my life back and I could work on this podcast, I did. It was URGENT for me to work on my dream. I didn’t want the moment to pass me by. I wanted to honor the calling. My body PHYSICALLY yearned for it, and I’m even healthier because I launched this podcast. I’m glad this podcast came into fruition, that it’s been launched and that you’re hearing it right now.

Haydee [00:19:59]:

It makes me SO thankful. Let me give you the bonus lesson that I learned this year that is THE most important one of them all. Follow your heart even if it disappoints some of your family members. Following your heart is probably some of the most underrated advice even if it SEEMS to be the opposite. Sometimes we may think that this tip only applies to children, teens, or very young adults, but it applies to everybody no matter what decade you’re in. And the older you are, the more courage it can sometimes take to follow this advice that sometimes seems like it’s catering to a fantasy life. However, I also remember something else that Oprah taught me, and that is that with every passing decade that we as women live, the less we give a hoot about what other people think. It’s SO liberating to see that that is true.

Haydee [00:20:56]:

Ultimately, it’s YOUR life, and YOU have to live it in a way that will fulfill YOU the most. I FIRMLY believe that despite what everything around us might indicate, we were born to be happy. And honestly, I don’t THINK there’s a better way of getting that happiness than by following your heart. It certainly wouldn’t be attainable if we did the opposite and ignored what we truly wanted, would it? So there you have it. My list of 10 plus lessons I’ve learned this year so far. Of course, I’ve had MORE than 10 lessons, but now I’m going to wrap up this podcast episode to encourage YOU to create your OWN list. You can find the show notes for this episode, including the transcript, by going to www.voluptuousquestions.com forward slash podcasts. If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and can’t WAIT for the next sexy question to come your way, I invite you to subscribe to this podcast.

Haydee [00:21:57]:

And now I think you can fully understand why I end every podcast episode by saying: remember, you’re the star of this podcast and the star of your life. Keep shining brightly always because, yep, you only have 1 life. We have to learn from it. We have to live it. We have to enjoy it. We have to be thankful for it and not waste it. See you in the next episode.